My Commitment to Singlehood Testimony

Today, the first day of March, First Friday of the month and three days before my twenty-second birthday, I am beginning a six-month commitment to singlehood.  After mission last summer, a number of my friends made this commitment and I always thought it was a beautiful idea, but I never expected to undertake one myself.  I thought six months was an awful long time to discipline my heart to remain fixed on being single, not just physically but emotionally too.  Likely I would be single for the next six months anyway, but an intentional commitment ensures that I fully live and love my life standing on my own two feet, focused on the Lord and not waiting or looking for something that is only going to come in God’s perfect time.  I am more than happy being single, but if I don’t commit to it, I know I will always be trying to get out of it.  But why not enjoy the single life, rather than always wish you weren’t single? And all of a sudden, now, six months doesn’t seem so daunting.

It was not very long ago, though, that I would have rejected this idea.  A recent emotional attachment to a guy friend kept me from wanting to commit to singlehood, but now I have been “friend zoned” and am free to fully embrace the state of being single.  And I want to share with you a bit of what happened to me with this guy friend, because I think my experience can serve to help other girls who may be struggling with crushes and “unrequited love.”  I was blessed enough to experience what I think was the best-case scenario as far as rejections go, and I am very happy to be in the “friend zone.”  I want to share my experience in case I can be an example of hope in a world where so many women allow themselves to get so hurt just from getting “friend zoned.”  Anyone who is afraid of getting heartbroken, don’t be afraid – I promise that what happens to me can happen to you too.

Don’t get me wrong, it still isn’t easy.  I do not deny or belittle the feelings I had, or the fact that it takes time to get over it.  I used to be so afraid – but ironically, when I was scared of “getting hurt,” I was actually hurting myself more.  The small heartbreaks I experienced every day wishing for something, and feeling like he didn’t care even as a friend, were much worse than knowing, which brought freedom, not pain.  The right thing isn’t the easy thing, but whatever is best for you is the thing that will bring you the most joy, and it was the best thing for me to hear him tell me he wasn’t interested. 

The key to happiness in this situation boils down to three things: God, friends, and a will. (I want to say a strong will, but it’s only the strength of the Lord that I lean on – I’m actually super weak!)  God gave me grace, and having given Him my entire heart already, it couldn’t really be broken.  I especially felt God’s love through my friends, and I was blown away by the amount of love and support I was getting from people in my life (family, too) – including the guy himself, who was very nice about it and affirmed our friendship.  I am convinced that the joy I felt following this event was to the credit of the people who were praying for me. I would say to myself, “why am I so happy? I have so much joy, where did this come from?” And the answer was obvious – “from those who love me and have been praying for me.” They are one of God’s greatest gifts to me.  And as for the third factor – my will – all I had to do was tell myself something, and eventually I listened.  “I am not afraid,” “it doesn’t matter,” and “I am not unhappy” were some of the things I heard myself thinking fairly often.  I was trying to convince myself these things were true, and it worked.  Ultimately, it came down to an act of the will to choose to let go.  The tiny little piece of me that wanted to hold on, or be angry, I quashed.  I chose to be happy, to not let it matter, and to look excitedly forward.  Mostly, I chose to trust God.  It takes courage to make an act of the will to surrender to God's will.  I also realized that if I really loved this guy, I would let him go.  Bringing my emotional attachment to him to an end and loving him only as a friend and a brother in Christ was the most loving thing for me to do because it is what he wanted.  And of course it’s stupid, almost emotionally suicidal, so to speak, to hold on to someone who isn’t interested in you like that.

So this is my advice to you, ladies of the world who will ever face a rejection.  I know that heartbreak and tears is a part of life, and that it will be much harder depending on the situation (for example, a breakup from a pre-existing relationship would be much more difficult), but I also know that the comfort of the Lord can help you overcome anything.  Surround yourself with amazing friends and choose to stand on your own and be happy.  There is no point in sitting in the doldrums.

I would also recommend the commitment to six months of being single.  So many girls out there are actively searching for a guy as though their happiness depends on it, but trust me, the only man that can make you truly happy is Jesus, the perfect man, and only when your heart is ready will God give you the human relationship He wants to give you.  And even if you do not want to give yourself to the Lord, learning to stand on your own two feet and be a complete and satisfied person on your own, apart from anyone else, is very empowering and freeing.