Some Thoughts Arising from "There Isn't Someone Out There For Everyone, and Yes You Might Die Alone" (Part 1)

An excellent and important article from Catholic speaker and apologist Matt Fradd was recently circulating Facebook, posted by women all saying, "THIS. YES."

I have shared articles like this before, because I think it is extremely important for women to learn and understand that the idea that "there's someone out there for everyone" is not true. This is along the same lines as a post I wrote a couple years ago entitled "Forever Alone?" (incidentally published this same day; there must be something so blog-post-able about the eve of October!), in which I had shared a few other articles speaking to the idea of not waiting for something that might not come, and more importantly of being satisfied with everything you have already been given - especially the gift of Christ Himself.

This time around, though, a new perspective cropped up for me; the important perspective of the men. One must not forget that it is not only women who are struggling in their attempts at dating and courtship. A couple of Catholic men responded to the article I had shared from Matt Fradd and the ensuing conversations led me to conclude three things:

1. It's true. You might "die alone". Just like Matt Fradd said in his article. And you must learn to be satisfied and grateful for the life that you have, and the now that you are in.

2. There are still good, solid, marriage-minded, non-creeper single Catholic men out there too, who have something to say as well, and who too often are looking into the face of rejection and wondering how the heck to navigate the most complicated situation of, well, of women...

3. The culture around us has such a negative effect on (Catholic) dating and courtship, with its utilitarianism and ego-centrism, and the emasculation and defeminization of men and women respectively, and over-sexualization and porn, as well as the "emotional impurity" encouraged in the media in which false expectations are created, etc. In the face of these problems we require a lot of patience, prayer, and proactiveness, because yes in fact there are people out there who, like you, recognize the problems in society and recognize their true identity as women and men of God and their desire to fulfill a very important role of the laity - cultivating the domestic Church in the home building a family. With patience and prayer and proactiveness in the realm of dating, we can counter a culture of confusion and stand up for ideals we were created for.
And to add to that, in remedying the problems of our times, I have learned that some things I used to criticize are actually extremely useful and often necessary; those being casual dating (some good points on casual dating in this article from FOCUS), Catholic dating websites (actually, they do work. For some people.), and matchmaking (after all, almost every woman I know knows at least one young man she would heartily recommend to others!).

While women do need to learn how toxic the notion of "soulmates" can be, we however cannot go so far as to give up on men altogether, and we certainly cannot place primary blame on them. On the contrary, in these confusing times men and women who can challenge each other's faith and protect each other's purity need each other more than ever, and women need to take responsibility for the problems we too are creating. When women want to go and blame society (and porn) for taking away all the men, we must not forget that we as women are far too often caught up in superficiality, materialism, and unrealistic high expectations (frequently fed to us in a kind of "emotional porn" from the media, if you will), and I would also say that sometimes women are too caught up in fears to know how to begin to give of themselves.

If we understand the battle attacking the domestic church, then we can also understand the battle that must exist in the steps that lead up to its formation beforehand, in the dating battleground as well as in the pressure to find employment that can support a family down the road. St. Lucia of Fatima said that the final battle between God and Satan will be over the family and marriage. We must seek and latch on to Truth, one step at a time, and courageously face and defy our culture of hook-ups and porn and loneliness, just as we are called to be protagonists in the New Evangelization and witnesses of light in the darkness of our times.

And we are never alone in this either! In fact just recently, on Sunday, October 18, we received two new saints: St Louis and St Zelie Martin, the parents of St. Therese and the perfect patrons for all of this and more. We can look to them to help us in this unending search for understanding and courage and hope in a culture that seems to prevent any good steps towards courtship and marriage.

St. Louis and St. Zelie, pray for us!

Pictured: Sts. Louis and Zelie Martin. Courtesy of Catholic Memes on Facebook

In Parts 2 and 3 of this blog post, two young gentlemen friends of mine will share with you their thoughts on Catholic dating in our times.

In the meantime, you can enjoy these most relevant and excellent articles: "Why Don't the Guys at my Church Ask Women on Dates?" by Eddie Kaufholz and "Catholics, Awake! Marriage Doesn't Just Happen!" by the ever-amazing Anthony Esolen.